But hold their hearts forever.

When they are young, you are busy and life never stops. Life is fast paced, little time to read that book, drink the hot coffee, soak in the bath. Their chubby little hands are always pulling at your clothes, asking you, “Why?” “What if?” “How come?” “When will we get there?” “Can we do this?” “But whyyyyyyyy?”

In those moments it feels, exhausting, restricting, overwhelming to be this little persons protector and teacher, the adult that they turn to for everything, that keeps them safe and supports their growth. You adore everything about these little beings and still you wish you had some time to just chill, read the book, chat with friends without wiping snotty noses or lay in for just a little longer than 5am at the weekend.

Now I look back and realise how fleeting that time was in our lives. How precious those moments are. Now I have the time to sit and read a book at the weekend but I know I’ll never be pulling my daughter up on my lap again when she’s fallen over and needs a hug or have the privilege of being the person to answer my sons first questions again and guide them into adulthood safely.

The early years are precious and hard, its easy to forget to savour them but we also need to be kind to ourselves and know it’s ok, to ask for some help to take a break because our kids need

caregivers who are present and patient and not stressed and reactive. Every parent feels guilty or like they have failed at some point but its the lessons we take from those moments that are important.

Now though I look at my kids of which two are adults and although I’m sad to never have the precious early years again, this season is different but just as special. They are amazing humans!! They take me places, we go out together as grown ups to the theatre, cinema, walks, gigs and I get to discuss our favourite things, learn about what they value and their points of view which are changing and forming. I get to admire the way they conduct themselves, the relationships they are forming and the lives they are creating, knowing that I played a part in moulding these kind, respectful, intelligent, motivated, positive men into who they are.

That is the most amazing part of being a parent. When they grow and you are proud of who they are and can look back and remember those sleepless nights and tantrums and realise it was SO worth it! The changing relationship from carer to friend, built on a respect for each other and who you are as people is priceless. I’ve a way to go with my daughter yet as she is only 13 years old and a mother and daughter relationship is different but equally as special. We are navigating our path and our relationship and I know she is still looking to me for guidance in these tricky teenage years.

It makes me reflect on the changing relationship with my own mum who is now 80 years old. She has been my confidante throughout adulthood. She supported me in an emotional and practical sense and as very often happens with many of us, those roles are now changing. I am now supporting her more in many ways and we are working our way through this change in the landscape along with my sister. I know how hard these transitions can be, our changing roles as a parent, we have to make dramatic shifts to let go of being the care giver to a friend to maybe the cared for one day. Life is always changing and teaching us and for me, I will just keep adapting and trying to be mindful of how hard these changes can be on our loved ones.

Who knows, I maybe looking at the next stage of my life holding the chubby small hands of grandchildren in the future, if that happens, I will be blessed x