Tag: love life

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

Magical Memories

The real KazLeave a comment
Three brothers together, having fun. Jermaine in the middle had cerebral palsy and passed at age 13 years.

Remember that time you giggled for the first time? Not just laughter but a full on hardcore giggle that was totally infectious and would not stop, for any reason, not at all. I though, stopped in my tracks. Was there something wrong? Were you having a seizure? I panicked. Most kids were laughing a long time ago. Why now? Shit. You just carried on though, full of beans. I waited, not sure how to react. Call an ambulance or giggle too? Slowly hoping, this was you having found your voice, your giggly spot. Then realising, you had! I cried predictably, happy tears, ecstatic tears, to hear my boy, laugh so heartily and enthusiastically, from nowhere. Zero to full throttle in giggles. Perfect. Then I told the world. Everyone I knew. My son laughed. Really laughed though, a proper belly laugh. Amazing!

That was a magical moment.

The joy of seeing you in the hydrotherapy pool. Those tight, contracted muscles, completely relaxed, the strain on your face would disappear and you were at peace with that huge grin lighting up your face, to say to all, this is heavenly, come on in! You communicated very well when you needed too.

Coming to pick you up from primary school not long after you had started, frantically hoping and praying you were ok. Then seeing you all snuggled in to your favourite teaching assistants chest. All cushioned into her bosom, that left mine to shame and you snoring away loudly, happily and contentedly. Not a care in the world. There you were telling me, its pretty good here mum.

Or the memories that give me the most joy of you and your two brothers. One, kissing you, the other wrapped around your legs. One holding your hand, the other wiping your chin. The three of you, just so in sync. They helped you when you were uncomfortable, repositioned you, sat you forward, talked to you and reassured you. You would look around searching for them and talk right back at them. Shouting when they needed it. You would give as good as you got. No it didn’t make sense, your sounds were unique but to the three of you, there was understanding and love. That memory is my favourite. What you taught and gave to your brothers in love and compassion and what they in return gave you was incredibly special to watch, as your mum.

So many magical memories I treasure.

But mostly I remember the feel of your hair, the sound of your voice and the light, mischief and strength of your spirit. I was so incredibly lucky to be your mum. Truly.

Thanks for choosing me.

Love ya!

Memories – Maroon 5. Remembering my boy Jermaine, who passed away 15 years ago today at age 13. Remembering the magical memories.

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

A gift from a loved one…

The real KazLeave a comment
Picture: My son who had cerebral palsy on my mums lap along with my nephew. One of my favourite family pictures.

The most positive thing a family member has done for me, is shown me the value of difference.

My son and mum both taught me that no matter who you are, what your strengths are, what you look like, how you communicate and learn, you are valuable and important and you have something to contribute to this life.

Everyone no matter what their ability, age, gender, size or anything else has something inherently amazing to bring to the lives of others. In todays society we value how much money you make, the size of your house, how many followers you have, how attractive you are… There is so much more to life and I am so thankful, that I learnt that at a young age from the closest people to me in my life.

You may not have the education others do, but can still teach the people in your life so much more than Maths and English. You may not learn in the same way, it may take you longer or you may never be able to understand how to write an essay or add and subtract but what you teach others about connection, patience and acceptance in a world lacking in all three is so much more valuable.

You may not look the same as everyone else in society and because of that you are ridiculed and shunned but what you can teach others about the value of difference, self worth, judgement and love is gold. When you step out into the world and embrace who you are, you are giving others the confidence to do the same behind you. You are crushing peoples stereotypes, judgements and fear about who and what groups of people should look like and what that says about them and supporting more accepting communities by doing so. It matters.

Picture: Me and my boy

You may not be able to communicate your wishes in the same way as others but that does not mean that you should not be heard. You have the right to make decisions and choices about your own life and no one should override or disregard that. Shout and make your voice heard. Find your advocates and supporters and join arms with them. Show the world your views count!

You may not be able to move as fast or in the same way as others but that does not mean you should not have opportunities to do so. You have the right to the same access to fun, holidays, shops, transport and communities need reminding of this. So get out there and make a fuss, do it all and make them feel awkward when you can’t because your strength is paving the way for others.

When you have differences in todays society, everything becomes that little bit harder and more often than not a lot harder. You are constantly fighting to get the same freedoms, resources, access, conversations as everyone else. I am grateful that I saw that through being my mums ears and communicator and my sons everything, always support someone’s voice to be heard, you could be that extra bit of fight and strength they needed to keep going today.

Sometimes having one person who listens, smiles and actually helps you to find a way, is all you need.

Lets be that person today.

Give the person who is tired of the constant fight hope that sometimes, people listen.

But mostly lets just be kind.

Birdy – People help the people

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

Optimist or Pessimist?

The real KazLeave a comment

Where do you sit on the spectrum? Optimist, Pessimist? or Realist maybe?

I like to consider myself an optimist as I believe I always try and see the positive in situations and a life full of opportunities rather than challenges. From childhood through to an adult I’ve never found it difficult to look on the bright side of things, even in the face of some pretty difficult times. That is probably due in part to the fact that I genuinely believe that we are here to learn and grow and every struggle we go through is an opportunity for self development.

Our mindset and thoughts are more responsible for the joy in our life over and above the actual circumstances of our lives and our struggles. If we can see the positive in things, we can weather the darkest storms. When our thoughts tend to veer towards pessimism, we feel less resilient and able to cope whereas a more positive outlook, research shows, can actually reduce depression and low mood.

I have found myself recently though, struggling to stay in a thankful and positive zone when something feels good or hopeful. This happened to me yesterday and instead of being happy and thankful, that maybe things were improving, I got scared that I was heading for another disappointment. The thing is, the last 18 month period has been a barrage of struggles, obstacles and change. Nothing has been straightforward and it feels pretty relentless. It hasn’t really been the problems, its been the non stop consistency of one thing after another. That kind of ongoing, stress and disappointment has an affect on you. Every time recently I have felt things may be turning a corner, something else has shown up to knock me back down. Pretty soon your brain begins to expect bad things, almost as a protection for the constant hurt and disappointment. So when I did see something potentially positive approaching my rear view mirror of life yesterday, I found myself immediately start to say to myself “don’t expect this to happen Kaz, something will go wrong”.

There is a difference I suppose, between being a pessimist and being realistic. Sometimes when dealing with someone or a situation that has been continually difficult, you need to be realistic about your expectations otherwise you will be setting yourself up for more hurt in the name of optimism. There comes a point where realism needs to take over and that is totally needed when a continued positive outlook would allow others to continue to take advantage.

Maybe realistic optimism is the best way forward. Stay realistic when dealing with people and situations that have hurt or disappointed you before but never forget all things are possible with the right mindset and attitude. Seems like a good balance to work towards.

If you are finding you’re struggling with a negative outlook, adjusting small thought patterns and actions can help. Our mind is responsible for so much of the joy, stress and anxiety in our lives.

Try and enjoy the everyday small things in life. Don’t wait for the holiday in 6 months, or when you retire. Go do the things you love today: go for a walk, sing, dance, see friends etc… Loving those everyday things will increase the joy in your life immediately,, so why wait?

Look for the beauty in all things. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but spend time with what is beautiful to you. It maybe a walk in nature, enjoying your favourite music, art or a sunset.

Imagine yourself attaining or experiencing what you desire. Imagination/ visualisation is a powerful tool and can really make you feel your goals are within reach and help you stay motivated. Feel the emotions of achieving what happiness and contentment is for you and imagine how that will happen. What does that look like for you? Where are you? Who is with you? Visualise and experience it. It helps to cement in your mind what you really want and need to feel happy and motivates you to achieve it.

Practice gratitude. Make a daily practice of being thankful for 3 things in your life. If you are feeling grateful and appreciating what you have, it is almost impossible to become negative.

Be kind to yourself. The way you talk to yourself has a huge impact on how you feel. Positive self talk will make it easier to feel great and positive about your day.

Be creative. Find a creative past time and do more of it. Let those creative juices run free, Enjoy it. Don’t worry about the end result. Focus on the present and enjoy the journey of creating your masterpiece.

Be a positive role model, at home with your kids, at work and within your circle. When you behave like the positive person you would like your children to be, you are likely to become that person and you are modelling a fantastic way of life for the special people in your life.

Lastly surround yourself with positive people. We have all been around people who drain our energy. They see everything as a negative that is happening to them. Surround yourself with people who switch it up, see the flip side. People who see difficult experiences as a way of making way for the life you have been dreaming about and if it’s not what you want, you have the responsibility and power to change it at any given moment. Get rid of blame and shame and start with responsibility and self belief.

One Republic – Good Life

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

Happily Ever After is not a fairy tale

The real KazLeave a comment

It’s a choice.

Stop falling for their potential.

You know, if they were gonna change, level up and become what you have been hoping for it would have happened by now, don’t you? I know, you’ve been hoping for so long, you don’t want to give up, but girl, do you still wanna be hoping in another 10 years? Do you wanna wake up and realise you are still in the exact same position a decade from now?

You see the best in people. Your empathetic nature wants to support and fix people. Someone who needs that is attractive to you but it also makes you blind to the red flags. When you are looking out for and caring for him, you are missing all the warning signs that everyone around you can see loud and clear. You want what you’re hoping for to be true and you create that truth in your head but you need to deal with the facts.

You cant help to fix anyone who doesn’t wanna be fixed. More love isn’t gonna do it. He has to take responsibility for his own journey. Walking away from someone who needs help is the hardest thing for you to do, I know. Its not in your nature and that is exactly why you have hung on so tightly, for so long but once you are out of the thick of it, I promise you will see more clearly how much of yourself you are giving away for something that will never be what you want.

If you stopped working so hard to fix everything, what do you think would happen? honestly? If the answer is nothing, then doesn’t that tell you a lot? Isn’t this all very one sided? Is he fighting for this as much as you are?

Yes, he maybe a “good” man but that doesn’t mean he is the man for you. You are growing, developing, working on yourself. You need someone working alongside you with the same self love and zest for life. You deserve someone supportive and willing to fight for you and what you have, work with you and on themselves. Stop allowing someone to give you less than you deserve.

Create space for someone who deserves you, to come and find you. You’re heart is holding so much space for someone who is not claiming it and there is no room for anything else right now.

You are worthy of a great love story.

Make space for a happy ending….

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

Name one thing you love about yourself?

The real KazLeave a comment

How long does it take?

If you are anything like me, you will find it harder to think of something you love about yourself than list the things you would like to change. We are generally so much more critical of ourselves than of others. We can pick out all the physical attributes that we want to change instantly but when we need to pick what’s wonderful about ourselves the list is very small or non existent.

There is a feeling of being conceited and self centred if we love our bodies too much, a fear others will think we are big headed and vain, when in reality we should be encouraging such self love in our children. Loving our bodies and leading by example to teach our kids to embrace their differences and talk openly about what is great about themselves and others. That kind of open positive self talk fosters a level of self worth and confidence which will mean they know they are worthy of respect. We will be bringing up children who are not ashamed of how they look, who others will find it difficult to tread on, stifle or belittle because they love them selves enough not to stick around and put up with that kind of disrespect.

When I was a young woman if I had the money, I’m pretty sure I would have looked into getting a breast enhancement. I felt I was small and found it embarrassing because society had convinced me that being more voluptuous was womanly, sexy and more attractive. I lacked confidence in myself and this seemed like a way to solve my confidence issues. Off course I can see it wouldn’t have been and would I have done it if I was able? I’m not sure. Now as a 47 year old woman I can say I am so thankful I never went down that route. Thank goodness I couldn’t afford it! I now love myself just as I am and I genuinely mean that (physically at least), it’s not just me joining the self love bandwagon, its something I’ve worked on and strived for. The only difference between now and the 20 year old Kaz though in reality is confidence and a small but slow growth of love for my body.

That growth in confidence affects the way you carry yourself. When you don’t like how you look very much you shrink and hide and you emit an energy of self doubt. When you feel more self assured there is naturally better eye contact and more smiles and laughter. You are more relaxed and with that, when asked what I love most about myself, I would have to say my smile. I realise that I love my smile more than anything and once that happened others noticed it too.

I have the same smile I had when I was in my 20’s, its no different but back then, I was less confident, looked down, avoided eye contact and my energy was of anxiety and fear. As I have matured, learnt, grown, my energy has changed, I’ve mastered the “fake it till you make it” vibe and I no longer hope no one will talk to me and feel self conscious. My smile hasn’t changed but my confidence and self esteem has increased and that has changed my energy. In recent years the number one comment I receive is “you have a lovely smile” and I can honestly say that never happened before I hit 40 years old and it is a testament to the fact that how you feel about yourself really does change your energy and vibe.

So my answer to the question what do I love most about myself?

My smile, but what I really love is the years of experiences and self development which built my confidence and self worth in order for me to allow my smile to shine through!

Now, what do yo love about yourself?

Inspiration · self care · self development

Simple Joys

The real KazLeave a comment

What are 5 + 1 everyday things that bring you happiness?

When I first sat down to think about this question, I thought I was going to struggle to find things that put a smile on my face because at the time of writing happiness feels a long way off. Once I began though, it was quite easy to find 5 things and harder to limit it to five, so I haven’t, I just couldn’t! All very simple things that I know help me in some way to find a spark of joy.

1 – Connection with family and friends, the people that are important to me. Spending time with my family and close friends creates memories, establishes closer bonds and that relationship and connection is what life is all about. One phone call, visit, letter or even text from a person in your circle who cares is enough to lighten any burden. Research has suggested that social isolation can increase chances of death by 50% and is more harmful to us than obesity or smoking. It is not always what we first think of in terms of our quality of life but connection with others is essential to a fulfilling life. Contact your friends and family often and if you feel you are lonely, go out and volunteer, join a class, a club but go and find likeminded souls to connect with and talk too.

2: Books bring me joy. A beautiful book, is a thing to cherish. Because of this, I just cannot enjoy reading on a kindle or other such electrical readers. To read is to feel the pages for me, to have a physical copy of a book you love and cherish, dog eared and tattered is part of the joy of reading and the books that I love will always be with me. I dream of having my own library within my home. It will have stunning books, I can touch with comfy loungers to sit and read on. Peaceful and inviting. A place of knowledge, imagination, solitude and total relaxation. If that doesn’t happen (and it’s unlikely) reading a book sat by the sea, with a coffee, the next best thing!

3: Music will make me move to the beat, sing to the lyrics and if I’m in the kitchen with my daughter, dance and sing. That’s got to make you happy! I’ve said this before but music makes the soul sing, brings back memories and people and helps us to express emotions. Sometimes those emotions are hard but with out a doubt if you are feeling down and play your favourite happy tunes it will raise your vibe and release stress. So, much the same as books, when it comes to music, I have my old vinyl records that are very precious to me. They hold so many memories and are for me, better than all other mediums to play music on. I treasure my LP’s and singles and a Sunday afternoon listening to my old music on vinyl and reminiscing is heavenly.

4: Writing – Getting my thoughts down on paper, or journaling has always been therapeutic for me. More so of late and is now a daily ritual for me. It’s a process that helps you work through events in life, or just your day, deal with your feelings, leaving you feeling lighter and more in control. Once memories, issues, challenges, emotions have been written on paper it is almost like they have been released and are easier to deal with. I think the thought processes that go into writing can help reduce overwhelm and anxiety and make your priorities clearer. When it comes to writing I have a bit of a thing for notebooks. Addiction maybe a better word. I adore a notebook to write in, pretty ones, inspirational ones, big ones, small ones, beautiful ones, any really. Just a blank notebook with a pretty cover, waiting for you to make it yours, write, scribble, doodle, plan.

5: Running/ Exercise – for me my exercise is running and that brings together 3 of my favourite things actually, running, music and the great outdoors all in one go! Although any exercise can be hard to find the motivation for on difficult days, it ALWAYS makes you feel better after and usually during too. It brings a sense of achievement and on days when you have not felt you have been very productive, that is a bonus and some space to think about and process your day, which can help anxiety and low mood. I often, cry, smile, laugh and dance on my runs too!

6: The great outdoors – walks, hikes, the sea, lakes, jut being outside lifts the spirit. I especially enjoy time by the sea but if you are feeling stressed or anxious just going outside for a walk in nature will help reduce that. If its sunny you are also getting vitamin D which is great for your bones and immune system as well as again for low mood and worry. So lace up and get outside!

Inspiration · self care · self development

Lighthouse

The real KazLeave a comment

I’m tired.

Tired to my bones.

Tired of being everyone else’s safe harbour. The one they come to for shelter in the storm. The protector, shield, that makes everyone feel heard.

Don’t get me wrong, I was born to steer my ship. Keep it sailing by nurturing all aboard her. I do not know how not too. I would be lost without her.

I’m strong. I can handle a lot. I can normally weather the strongest, raging storms but this one right now has been relentless. Every time I think it is easing it comes back with a vengeance. It has ravaged my crew and me and I am exhausted. I need a lifeboat myself. I’m embarrassed to admit it, almost ashamed but my ship feels like she’s sinking, very, very slowly.

I’m still here, supporting, listening, guiding but the tears won’t stop. I want them too. I don’t want the crew to have to see their captain failing and show my weakness. The 2nd in command has already been lost at sea, I want them to be able to rely on me, feel I will never let them down but right now that feels an insurmountable task.

They see my cracks, my mistakes, imperfections and vulnerability. I have no choice but to let those waters flow from my eyes. Impossible to plug the gaps, to prevent me sinking further.

They hold onto me tighter. Not for them this time but for me. To help me weather this storm. There is no abandoning ship as I thought, instead my tears are dried and not a word said. I can feel them stand taller, firmer and make a decision to be the lighthouse for their captain to guide her ship safely. Just for now, for a wee while.

I relax for the first time in an age, sink to my knees and let down my guard. Is it ok to let go of the helm and lay down? Just for a moment and recharge? Just for a time, I weep uncontrollably and on board this ship feel completely loved and safe. I cast my anchor down and I rest, I stop thinking of the ships needs, the crew and re-focus on myself. Completely, knowing it will be ok.

The storm clouds gradually disappear and begin to make way for rays of sunshine peeping through.

The crew hoist the sails and the ship keeps sailing, on and on.

Inspiration · self care · self development

Let go of the outcome

The real KazLeave a comment

Just let go.

Take a deep breath, release it slowly and make a decision to no longer be attached to the outcome.

Can you control what happens? No. So despite the fact that you know how you want this to turn out, you cannot make that happen. There are too many variables. Other people involved that have their own feelings, actions and points of view.

So if you cant control how it plays out. What is the point of the anxiety and worry you are putting yourself through right now? Because it is you that is causing the knot in your chest, you know? The tears you are crying because you are scared, the sadness you feel for what could be and the nights you lay awake playing out possibilities in your head, are all a choice you are making. It’s not the situation. Its the way you are CHOOSING to react to the situation. Its time to choose to let go.

When you finally let go and give it up to the universe, you will give yourself the gift of peace. When you stop trying to control and truly just trust that what will happen is for the best, then you can just be an observer and watch. Slowly untether your mind from the future you have created within it. You cannot predict, force or persuade life to follow that path. Have faith in yourself, your strength, resilience and determination. Whatever happens KNOW you will deal with it, like you always do.

No, I know it doesn’t feel like it now. Now you feel alone, unsure, apprehensive, those tears and that ache in your heart are all consuming. Deep down though, you know, you know you will get through it.

Watch how life always has a way of figuring itself out. What happens right now may seem scary or painful but 6 months down the line you will see it made way for happiness and opportunities you never knew were possible.

So girl, trust the universe.

Trust the process.

Breath.

And let go…..

Bob Marley – Three Little Birds

Inspiration · self care · self development

“You’ve Changed”

The real KazLeave a comment

Life is constantly changing and so are you!

Have you ever had “you’ve changed” thrown at you, usually with a negative undertone, used to imply you should still be the same person you were 5, 10. 15 years ago, have the same mindset, attitude, goals and ambitions.

I’ve had this said to me in the past, seemingly aimed at how I am now less shy and socially anxious around others and will put myself out there more, for instance with this blog and my social media. I’ve received quite a bit of negativity around that and my response would be, yes I’ve changed. Thank god! I’ve grown, I’ve matured, I don’t care so much what people think. I still get hurt by comments, but I enjoy sharing and knowing others have been there and can relate to my content and find it supportive. I know that something I’ve posted maybe the one thing a person reads or watches that day which helps them find the inspiration to keep going. That motivation is now stronger than my fears and anxieties around what others think of me.

That in itself is growth.

None of us are the same person we were when we were 18 years old. Would you want to be? I love where I am now in life. My experiences, mistakes, challenges, good times and bad have moulded me into this person with knowledge and insight that is unique to me. No one else on this planet has the same experiences and that is something worth sharing and celebrating. Embrace that uniqueness.

When people who we know say “you’ve changed” I think it generally says a lot more about them. It’s almost like they are trying to put you “back in your box” and undermining who you have become. They may feel insecure about their own growth. Maybe they have let fear hold them back from pursuing paths and they regret that so they feel a resentment towards you. There maybe a part of them that wants you to be the same person you were as you were enabling their own insecurities, you may have less time for them now. There are many reasons friends and family may react this way, that are all to do with them and nothing to do with you. If they were coming from a place of love and care they would be proud of your growth. They would want to see you to pursue what lights you up and you have a passion for, even if it doesn’t align with their goals and passions.

Sometimes when people don’t understand what you are doing or who you have become they will dismiss or disapprove of it. Remember to NEVER apologise for who you have become.

Own your growth. Own your choices. Be authentic.

Understand life is constantly changing and so are you.

Inspiration · self care · self development

Nothing grows in your comfort zone

The real KazLeave a comment

Always go with the choice that scares you, that’s where the magic happens….

You know that thing you have been thinking about for ages but haven’t taken action on because you’re scared? You know what I mean. You really want to do it but you’re scared what others will think. Your mind is saying things like,” Its so out of character for me to do something so different and risky. I’m normally so careful and safe. People will judge me and then what if it all goes wrong? What if it fails, I screw up? Then I’m going to look stupid and everyone will laugh and I will wish I’d stuck to what I was doing. Nah I think I’ll forget about it, for now at least”.

Yes that thing. Turn off the negative committee in your head and go do it!

Your comfort zone is where nothing grows. Its safe and predictable and it means you will keep living as you are with little to cause you stress, anxiety or motivate you to pursue your passions. Isn’t life worth more than that? Isn’t our time here too short to play it safe and never experience the fullness of life. Yes it means that sometimes things might not work out as we had hoped and that can be hard to deal with but in that experience comes growth and without darkness, there can be no light.

Outside of your comfort zone there is uncertainty, yes, but when you choose to never experience the anxiousness and excitement of making change, your world stays small and your personal growth is stunted because your experiences in life are limited and the more you avoid change the scarier it becomes so the fear grows.

If you want to make changes but fear is holding you back, start by making a list of all the things you have wanted to do, a bucket list if you will, of things big and small. Pick one thing off that list and challenge yourself to make it happen. It can be something as simple as learning to play an instrument or running a 5k but whatever it is, make a commitment to achieve it. Get your friends to join you and make it fun!

Another way to start living outside of your comfort zone is to change up your routine. Routine can be good but if its too rigid it maybe stifling. For example if you work from home, take yourself off to a new environment and work in a coffee shop for the day. Spontaneity helps you to get out of a rut and get used to that feeling of anxious excitement at trying something new and out of the blue. Control is lessened because there are more small unknowns to contend with, will the coffee shop be busy? Will I get a seat? etc…..

Face your fears. Think about the fear that is holding you back, what is it you are most scared of? Maybe its a fear of public speaking or within larger groups at work that frightens you, make a decision to try and say something in each meeting at work or look up local speaking in public courses to give you the skills to overcome that fear. Take action on how you are going to address those fears, with small steps to push your boundaries and get used to feeling that uncertainty that change brings and embracing it.

If you stay in your comfort zone you will never know what your really capable of. When you leave that safe space you start to step into your potential. There’s is so much you can do with this life, don’t get to the end and wish you had but fear has left you with regrets. You will always regret more what you didn’t do, than what you did even when it never turned out quite how you wanted.

Throughout all change, a positive mindset is key. Be optimistic and most importantly kind to yourself, if you find something hard, that’s ok! You took the first step and next time it will be easier. See failure as a lesson and set yourself goals along the way. It’s easier to do all of this when you surround yourself with positive likeminded people who will motivate and cheer you on. Look at your circle of friends and family and spend time with people who will support you in achieving your goals not make it harder.

You got this! x

https://www.tiktok.com/@lifeonmytermsx