Tag: love life

friendship · Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

Life is short

The real KazLeave a comment

Stop waiting. Stop putting it off until the time is right. Stop expecting to know when the stars align, when the timing is perfect to make a change. That is never gonna happen. There is always gonna be a reason to wait.

Your mind is going to talk you out of taking that leap of faith because it’s trying to protect you. It will reason, question and analyse. It will come up with every excuse in the book to stick within your comfort zone where it knows you are safe. It’s hardwired that way.

The thing is taking that leap of faith needs to be practised to make it less scary. The more you do it, the less you worry about what might happen because even if it doesn’t turn out as you hoped, you know you will be ok. Others might say you have failed but have you really? You’ve tried, it hasn’t worked out, you’ve learnt how to do it better next time and can now say you gave it your best shot and live without regret.

Isn’t that better than what ifs? Always wondering if you could have done it? Would it have worked? Yes, you could be setting yourself up for some pain and hurt when you jump into something but what if that could be the best thing that ever happened to you and you walked away from it? Are you willing to risk that? What if they could have changed your life for the better? No one wants to feel hurt and pain but you know you would get through it and the potential for happiness is worth the risk, no? Jump into it, if it feels right, with gusto and enthusiasm, if you are going to do it, do it with all your being. No half ass attempts, give it your all!

Say what you want to say, don’t hold it in, don’t leave room for doubt, be honest. Spend time with the people you admire, who are positive, who are living their dreams. Do the things you want to do, seek them out, the more you look, the more opportunities you will find.

Don’t allow life to carry you along with it and never take a chance. You will go through your whole existence never really achieving or experiencing the things that light your soul up. When opportunities arise grab them, when people arrive in your life that you feel connected to embrace them, the universe brings the right opportunities, experiences and people to you at the right time for you to experience, learn and grow. Trust the process….

There is no “right” or “wrong” path to take, only what makes you happy and gives you the experiences you desire. So take them and make this life worth living. The ups, downs and plot twists along the way are the stories you can tell your grandchildren about, that you lived to the full and loved with all your heart. Show them that life is short and age, creeps up on us quickly.

Mostly, make memories because when you are gone, there’s nothing else left but what others remember. Their time with you, your essence, how you made them feel and how you lived your life.

Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

Quotes to live by….

The real KazLeave a comment

Do you have a quote that you always end up going back to for a little pep talk? Is it up on your wall or stuck in the recesses of your mind, ready to be retrieved when challenges strike and some motivation is needed?

I love a good quote and when I finally reside in a home of my own, I’m sure it will be full to the brim of quotes that I can relate to, but the quote which I seem to go back to often in the last few years and that I wish I had taken more heed of over my lifetime is:

Why this quote? I remember the first time I heard it and how it resonated with me because I have always been very good at seeing the good in people, at giving people second, third and fourth chances, after all, we all make mistakes, no? I still believe this to be true. Everyone deserves another chance because we all learn, grow and change over our lifetimes.

But I know now that life has taught me some major lessons, to believe actions over words. If someone cares, they will show it. If someone is sorry, they will prove it. Changed behaviour is the ultimate way to apologise, words are way too easy.

So even though it is still very hard and goes against the grain for me, I will look at behaviour first because I am worth more than staying in a situation where I’m hoping that things will get better based on many conversations that seem to be honest and authentic but turn out to be continually repeated behaviours in a groundhog day style.

When you hope for too long and believe words and not actions, you are taken for granted. When a simple sorry is always accepted and behaviour isn’t changed, then a belief that you will always forgive and continue with the way things are is accepted. That is when you are living on dangerous ground because when one person believes a simple “sorry” is always going to be enough, then they will never need to make an effort to make changes. Why would they? You will never force the point, so they don’t need too, right? When you are in that situation its time to challenge behaviour, set boundaries and stick to them.

Make it clear that the only apology is changed behaviour. Set a timeline and clearly state what you will and won’t accept and what you will do, if those boundaries are not respected. Be the cycle breaker.

The other quote that is SO simple but really has helped me deal with anxiety and overwhelm since hitting perimenopause is:

Quite simply that.

For me hitting the stage in life where perimenopause started to affect my hormones meant I experienced anxiety and depression that I had never experienced in my life before. It ended in a mini breakdown alongside difficult life events that were piled on top of the hormonal changes, I just shut down and went from doing everything, to being unable to take responsibility for anything. Counselling and HRT have changed that but I still occasionally need reminders to take a step back and deal with one thing at a time.

This quote is a reminder for me when I am feeling overwhelmed with the to do list, the events in my life and my feelings to focus on the next thing in front of me. Simple and effective at reducing the pressure and amount of “stuff” I am feeling, thinking and worrying about needing to complete. It helps me to take action because focusing on one thing feels manageable. When there is too much to do, I go into the mode of “its all too much and I can’t do anything” and when I hit rock bottom about 5 years ago, I lived in that mode for way too long. So its a simple but effective reminder to do ONE thing before moving onto the next…..

Sometimes simple is the most effective way forward.

What quotes do you live by in your life right now? Why do they resonate?

friendship · Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

For her, be brave..

The real KazLeave a comment

I didn’t mean for us to cause each other any pain but I think it’s too late for that.

If I could turn back the clock I would still do it again. I will never wish that we never spoke, or laughed, or shared who we are with each other. I will never wish that we could erase those times, too many memories that I’m grateful to have….

I hope that you don’t stop this letting you love. I hope you don’t build a wall even higher around your heart that is impossible to break down, because you deserve to be cherished. You deserve it more than anyone I know. When the time is right…

I say that because I know that would be easy to do. It seems hearts do need protecting. They are fragile and easily broken. I never realised how much until now. So it’s time to learn to keep mine safe. Time to establish better boundaries, not be so open, not give it so easily, because I do and I am realising that is dangerous.

This kind of hurt is scary in its nature. It can’t be shared just worked through alone but I really hope you find the person who you are willing to risk that hurt for, open up and really love. There’s so much more out there than what you have had but you’ve got to take a risk to experience it and risks aren’t your forte. I know that now but it’s the only way you are gonna experience the kind of relationship you deserve, by being vulnerable, opening up and trusting someone to take care of you as you do for them. I know that’s hard for you because why would you?

Of all the people on the planet I would have cherished your heart. I would never intentionally hurt you but I fear I may have done so, unintentionally and for that I’m truly sorry.

You deserve the best and I know that I have not said this before because I never wanted to let you go but I really hope you find that in someone. Someone who lives up to it. Let her in and trust her, when its time, she’s out there and for her, you need to be brave.

friendship · Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

Count on me…

The real KazLeave a comment

When life throws shit at you, who do you turn to?

When all you want to do is get into bed and allow the pain you’re feeling to consume you, who do you know will help you dust yourself off and get back up on your feet? Who can you rely on to dry your tears, listen to how shit you feel and then give you that pep talk, the one that tells you how awesome you are whilst making sure that you have to come over for dinner because they “need” you for “something” but also know you will wallow and mope for far too long in bed otherwise. They know how you roll.

No, they may not be saying what you wanna hear. They may tell you the words that sting when no one else will. You may not want to reach out because you know you will hear the hard truth but if you need them, if they get a whiff of something not being right with you, the phone is ringing, texts beeping, or they will be on your doorstep and not going away until they know what’s going on and they’ve made sure you are taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.

When you struggle to reach out for a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, when you think hiding how you feel makes you strong, those people in your life are lifesavers because they are the ones who will read between the lines. When they call and they can hear by the tone in your voice, when you don’t reply to a message, when they see you and notice more from what you’re not saying, that there is something wrong then they make it their mission to find out what that “something” is.

You don’t need many of these lifesavers. No. One in your life is a total blessing. If you are lucky enough to have more, be thankful because they are rare. They usually come from years of friendship, years of seeing you make mistakes, getting drunk together, experiencing setbacks, love and broken hearts and riding through life’s challenges and celebrations together until they know you inside out, what your weaknesses are, your soft spots, your triggers and how much you give to others. They know how you can be taken advantage of, how past relationships have affected you, why you are so guarded now and when you need to be told that what you have done or are doing is wrong, they will kick your butt back into line.

Today people come in and out of our lives so often, we move, change jobs, our families take priority, our time is limited and ultimately we outgrow people. A friend who carries on calling, doesn’t let distance get in the way of friendship, makes time and who most importantly grows with you is gold.

These kind of friendships are cultivated, like any relationship they need work, they need you to be there for each other and put the effort into having fun times together and sharing the difficult ones, they require vulnerability and are not demanding. Life is busy, we all have commitments and these friends don’t expect daily calls, they know that you will both be there when its needed and that life ebbs and flows and changes but that fact doesn’t change what you both know. That you have got each others backs when it’s needed.

So when you have established a lifesaver friendship, they stick around for the long haul and there is very little that can break that bond once it is created. Sometimes I think friendships like these are likely some of the most important relationships in our lives. Through thick and thin and through lifetimes where partners and other relationships fade away, they are there celebrating, laughing, crying and helping us piece ourselves back together.

I’m blessed to have a few and eternally grateful for these ladies In my life.

Thank you x

Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

A Safe Love

The real KazLeave a comment

A love that wraps you up tightly in peace, security and stability. Where there is no room for doubt. No room for feelings of uncertainty that push you to try harder, be better, look prettier. Where there is no second guessing if it’s the “right” thing to say, the “right” way to be and which version of you is lovable today. Am I too loud, too obvious, not feminine enough, not caring enough, too motivated, too much?? or just not enough??

A love that takes your hand and holds it tightly, that gently reassures with fingers intertwined.

A love that allows you to be the person your soul needs to be. The girl you were born to be. The girl who snorts and giggles loudly, whose style changes along with her mood because boxes keep you trapped and small but this love gives you wings to expand and grow.

A love that listens because its curious about everything in your life: your childhood, past, mistakes, fears, hopes, dreams, all of it, all of you. No judgements, no disapproval, just a desire to know everything about you and the events that have brought you to be here, just as you are at the right time, for this love. Acceptance for what is.

A love that stays when struggles arrive, that stands beside you and never waivers. The lighthouse in the storm, guiding you back home, with steadfast strength. Always there, trustworthy and loyal. You trust this love will not walk away. This is what safe feels like.

A love that allows you to grow, work on yourself, pursue your passions. When you are figuring out exactly who you are and why, this love supports that self development, adores seeing you shine so brightly because you are remembering who you are. This love celebrates growth for both of you, encourages it!

A love that works as a team, always there, always got your back, encouraging, supporting, communicating, cheering you on and caring but secure enough to allow you space to be your individual self. Love with no jealousy, just proud of this two person team and what you are each achieving… alone and together.

Most importantly, a love that is safe.

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

This too shall pass

The real Kaz2 Comments

Whatever you are going through, it feels like the world is ending and you can’t go on but remember this is a moment, a minut part of the great expanse of your life. This tiny piece of your puzzle is one of 1000’s that make up the complete picture and it has its part but it is just a piece. That full picture wouldn’t be the same, without this pain and what you learn from it will help make your picture perfect.

Every bad event that has happened in your life so far you have come through. Your track record for getting back up and carrying on is exemplary. This time I know it feels worse, the lack of control, you feel like you are suffocating with no one to help but you know if you are totally honest with yourself that’s because you have pushed everyone away. You need to let people in. You can’t do this alone. And this is one time in your life that you need support and that’s ok. You’ve been there for others, its your turn.

This is a minut moment………

It feels like you are being torn apart and that the pain in your head and heart is unbearable but I promise you this will not last.

Take a deep breath.

And another.

Cry if you need, sob, let it out, but what I need you to do is reach out to someone. I don’t wanna hear that there isn’t anyone. If you believe that then pick up the phone and call the Samaritans. I just want you to talk. Out loud. To someone who is not embroiled in your emotions because they are making you feel worse. Speak to someone about what is making this feel so painful, the anger, loss, disappointment, heartache, let it all out because all locked up inside of you it is doing way too much damage. Its festering and eating away at all the good thoughts, the kindness you have and turning into bitterness that is toxic. Let the poison out..

Be vulnerable. Stop holding it in, face it all head on and let your friends and family stand beside you and help. That is real strength. Being able to lean on others and let them help you pick up the pieces, that takes guts. Especially when you have never allowed anyone so closely into your darkness before. Feelings will not just go away, when you bottle them up, they don’t just disappear. They are there waiting for some way to escape, like a pressure cooker waiting for a release and it will happen, when you least expect it.

I know deep down inside there is a part of you that knows you have a lot to give. There’s a part of you that knows despite your mistakes you deserve to be loved and give love. It’s ok to get it wrong. We all do it. What’s important is that we learn and grow from it and become a better version of ourselves so we don’t repeat those mistakes. So learn. Say you are sorry, apologise, make things right but most importantly forgive yourself. I guarantee you when you clean yourself up and show everyone you are working on yourself, those who really love you will be SO proud of you and support you. Those who don’t, aren’t your people. Let them go. When the shit hits the fan, that is when you can really distinguish the people who should have a place at your table moving forward and those who are no longer getting an invitation to join you.

Learning and growth can be messy and painful but you are strong and it is a better pain than repeating this cycle, like Groundhog Day. It’s a pain with an ending, a pain that you will work through and come out the other side of ready to be there for others.

It’s worth it. It’s what you are here for.

So take a deep breathe, reach out and start healing. Face those demons. Stop fighting it. Show everyone how strong you are. Show your kids that with vulnerability comes strength. Lead by example and make them proud.

I believe in you. I know you don’t believe me but I do but it has to come from you.

Is it time?

Boat – Ed Sheeran

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

Overthinking,

The real KazLeave a comment

The art of creating problems, that weren’t even there.

So its has become clear to me throughout my life but more so in the last year how much I value clear honest communication. I am an overthinker. If someone isn’t clear in what they are saying to me, if there is the tiniest bit of uncertainty in what they mean or they leave things left unsaid, my brain will fill in the gaps left by ambiguity. It will literally come up with complex scenarios based on my past experiences that may not have involved anyone in the conversation.

I realise honesty can be tricky sometimes, for fear of hurting someone and yeah, sometimes its painful but nothing is more painful or confusing than dealing with the daily scenarios that can go round an overthinkers head, that are probably untrue and can be avoided with a clear conversation.

If like me you are a sensitive overthinker or empath you may also be picking up on peoples energy. When you feel something isn’t right, someone is nervous, annoyed, agitated or unsure but it isn’t openly communicated that is an opportunity for an overthinkers mind to take over and work its magic. The brain begins to go over every possible scenario as to why the person they are with is feeling uncomfortable, looking for ways to prevent hurt, pain, disappointment but really the truth would be the best way to prevent those outcomes.

Someone who overthinks a problem, probably believes they will eventually find a solution but an overthinker will worry and ruminate on the problem creating uncomfortable emotions with no solution in sight. A problem solver however, would be focusing on productive action and ultimately a way to fix the problem, both have two very different mindsets. I’m sure we have all experienced a problem that we are unable to stop thinking about and know how that feels. It can be all consuming and the mental energy can leave you drained and with little in the tank left to take action and possibly improve the situation. Looking for a solution and positive action is clearly a better way to focus your energy and look after your own wellbeing.

If you know overthinking is an issue for you, try distraction as a way of keeping it at bay. Rather than sitting and dwelling, go and do something to take a break from your thoughts, go for a walk, bake a cake, read a book, whatever works best for you. Sometimes that is enough to get yourself focused on something more productive and away from those negative thought cycles.

It has helped me recently to really challenge what I’m thinking. So simply ask yourself “Are these thoughts based on fact?” “What do I know to really be true?” This can be enough to give me some perspective on the situation and look at what is real and what is a story in my head that I’m replaying.

Practising meditation is a skill that has helped to clear my mind and combat overthinking. Just 10 minutes of meditation can have a positive impact on your thought processes and with practice you can learn to use breathing and bring your thoughts back to a positive place. As little as 10 mins meditation a day can create a practice that helps you create more balance and control over your thoughts.

Ultimately having an awareness of when you are overthinking is really key to stopping it in its tracks and then you can use some of the techniques above to challenge your thoughts, distract yourself and overcome it.

Stop worrying about the what if’s and focus on what is in front of you. Be present and grounded and live for the moment. That is when you will find real happiness, right here and now.

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

Remember Your Worth…..

The real KazLeave a comment

That’s the game changer

You forgot you’re worth there for a minute didn’t you? That’s ok. It happens but time to fix your hair, stand up tall again, dust yourself off and remember what you deserve. Let that smile shine through again, bring that sassiness back out and show the world who you really are.

Get up, look life in the eye and stop wallowing in self doubt because you know how much you have to give and how strong you are, don’t you? Look at all you have been through. Look at what you are still overcoming and after everything that has been thrown at you, this has the power to bring you down? Not today girl. Not happening! Stop allowing other peoples actions, feelings, opinions or struggles to bring your own insecurities out. Get up.

Forget what is going on with anyone else. That is their journey and you know you can’t fix them. That’s not your job. So stop repeating the same lessons over and over and take control of your own journey again, with both hands and your big girl pants on!

Time to gain perspective again, bring it back to the here and now and how flippin’ amazing you are!

Take a deep breath…

..and remember, whenever those feelings start to creep back in repeat after me “I will no longer accept less than I deserve” and mean it.

Something amazing is coming. I know you can feel it. You have so much potential and you are ready to bring it all into fruition but you can’t do that when you are hanging onto past hurt and regret. You wont be able to hold onto it. Let go and make space for it in your mind, heart and life. Adjust your mindset and turn back up the positively awesome meter.

When your mindset shifts, watch what happens. Life is going to change for the better.

Enjoy the ride.

I believe in you!

Rachel Platten – Fight Song

Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

Right person, wrong time…

The real KazLeave a comment

He was supposed to come into your life you know. You weren’t looking and neither was he, but your lives were meant to collide. You felt that spark, the connection, you could be yourself with him and he wanted you to be.

You spent many nights, talking, laughing, listening to music, learning about each others story and the people you are. The thing is the more you learnt, the more you connected and this unexpected crossing of each others paths, became something that you weren’t intending it too.

But life doesn’t make things simple. Once emotions take hold, you can’t pretend they never arrived. If so, things would be easier, so much simpler. If you could put them back in a box and go back to the beginning, would you let it play out the same again? Would you take it so much slower, be more careful with both your battered hearts?

The thing is you are both healing from heartbreak. You are both on a journey that’s at different stages but oh, if you were both in the right place, it would be a ride! You’ve felt it and hope he has too. That knowledge doesn’t help either. Right person, wrong time. That hurts because why would you wanna know that if this was 6 months, a year down the line it would work out? How does that help how you feel. It doesn’t. It just feels like a bad joke. That isn’t funny. Just sad.

Those feelings though, felt right and yes, maybe you both shouldn’t have let the “what will be, will be” attitude take over. The sensible thing, probably would have been to think a little more, take a bigger step back, but when something feels right that’s not so easy to do.

Instead you went a little deeper, opened yourself up a little more, in hindsight, too much, maybe. But you always go “all in”. You don’t do “half-arsed”, especially when it comes to feelings. You give it your all and then some, but that means if it doesn’t work out as expected, you hurt like hell too.

So yes, it seems, you shouldn’t have rushed in, that his heart is still healing and isn’t ready for yours. You are wishing you had reigned it in, just a little, just not given so much of your fragile heart out because now it’s in pieces.

Who knows, maybe, down the road, in a while, you will both be perfectly aligned. The timing, your healing, your journeys will be in sync.

For now, keep living girl.

Life goes on…..

Inspiration · self care · self development · self love

Positive Selfishness

The real KazLeave a comment

When someone describes you as selfish, it feels like a harsh criticism doesn’t it? There’s almost a recoiling of horror that someone could describe you as such. Being described as selfless, is less harsh but as a woman, I can say it often describes a way of living that is likely to leave you, used up, worn and rung out from giving so much to others: time, love and support. So why not work on being self-full? A place where you are making sure you are taken care of first and full to the brim so that you can give and support others without putting your own wellbeing at risk.

Self love is a term used widely and taking care of what you need first by loving your mind, body and spirit is essential for you to be there for others. Loving yourself does not require you to take love away from others, as is often believed, it means that you will be able to give more when you are taking time for yourself. Time for yourself can come in many forms, depending on what it is you personally require in your life. It may mean working out, eating better, meditating, taking time to be alone, doing what you love, setting boundaries or saying “no” when you need to. It may mean working on yourself, journaling, inner child work or therapy to heal your wounds.

Being selfish is described as “concerned excessively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on ones own advantage without regard for others”. Selfishness would mean you are putting others in harms way or last and that you were disregarding what is good for others to focus on yourself but that is not the intention here. The intention, just like the airplane rule of putting your oxygen mask on first so you can help your children, is that if you are full to the brim with what you need, you can do so much more for others.

Being self-full is positive selfishness and is in fact a generous mindset. If there is no water in your own well, you can’t give anyone else a drink either. Your own wellbeing and mental health is incredibly important for the quality of your support to your family. Some people in your life may view prioritising yourself as selfish but could that be because they wanted to be prioritised first, above you? Selfish?

You maybe prioritising others because it makes you feel good about yourself. It may come from a need to be wanted and liked, this may come from a wound within you that needs healing and addressing from your childhood or relationships in the past. If you feel like putting everyone else first, when it clearly was detrimental to what you wanted and your health has been an issue for you in the past, be honest and take a good look inward at why this is. Is it something you need to address from your past?

Or have the people around you made you feel guilty if you don’t put everyone else first? Do you feel pressure to be the glue that fixes and holds the family together, solves problems and keeps everyone safe and well. Who then does this for you?

Start to do this for yourself, show your kids by example that if they take care of themselves they will never be placing their health and wellbeing in someone else’s hands. Remember you won’t always be a priority to others, even those closest to you will have reasons and underlying motives for asking things of you. That is why you have to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself and become your own support system.

Your needs matter. Start meeting them.

Choose yourself, so you can then choose to be there for others.