What is happiness to you? I’m sure for each of us it would look a little different given our circumstances and personalities but do we all fundamentally need the same basic things to be happy? Or do we really need anything? Is happiness a state of mind?

When asked how you would define happiness what would it look like? Would you list things like a nice home? holidays? health? a job you loved? a loving partner? If so are all those things really necessary for happiness? Many people don’t have any of those things but still feel their lives are full and happy.

When I think about happiness I feel it is a place where I am at peace with myself. Happiness comes with genuine self acceptance of all our flaws, who we are, all our mistakes, all our experiences that have shaped us. It is a place internally of having worked through all of it and being back to the true authentic self we were born to be before all those relationships, traumas and life made us feel, shame, not good enough, too much, unlovable or any of the other negative views that may have been imposed on us or we have imposed upon ourselves..

When we were born we were who we are meant to be, before the world got its hands on us. We didn’t feel pressure to be a certain way, please certain people, travel a certain path. That authentic being inside you is where your true happiness lies. Stripping back all the hurt, judgement, shame, disappointment and anger, working through it and finding that child again means you can be yourself, love yourself and travel your path purposefully.

Doing the work to find that kind of happiness is not easy. Society has done a job on us and there are opinions, judgements and ideas that you have been listening to for so long that it takes a lot of work to address. I think our childhoods and relationships as well as living within our current society leave us all with coping strategies and triggers we need to work through.

When we have worked on finding self acceptance, we can really experience love for ourselves that allows space for genuine relationships with others that are not based on a “need” we have from someone else to fulfil a part of us that is hurt, or make us feel worthy but our relationships become a place that we gain love from others and give it without it being something we are relying on to complete us and make us happy. When we place our happiness in someone else’s hands we give them control of everything. True happiness is found within yourself and shared with others with the knowledge that it cannot be taken from you without your permission.

To experience happiness there needs to be level of gratitude for what we have. Being thankful and expressing it daily, leaves no room for negativity. Gratitude helps us to find happiness in the simplest of things: waking up in the morning, our morning coffee, the sound of the birds outside, the warmth of our bedroom….. and when practised daily it really forces us to feel that appreciation of life and what we have. Starting your day listing what you are grateful for is a fantastic way to introduce positivity and happiness first thing in the morning and setting your day off to a great start.

I think connection with others is important for happiness too. It is through working on ourselves and then connection with others that we learn and grow. We experience hurt, disappointment, kindness, love for others but all of those things are experienced differently when we are coming first from a place of self love and worth because when you have found that there is no fear of rejection or pain, you are confident in who you are.

I am a long way from this kind of self love and happiness but I have begun my journey and have quickly realised there’s a lot of work to do but I am already seeing, that questioning why I am feeling and experiencing different emotions and reactions in situations and relationships is showing me so much about where my insecurities are and how past events formed my behaviours. Its not easy to look so closely at yourself, it takes courage because we all have parts of ourselves we hide but if you’re brave enough it can bring so much growth and happiness into your existence.