Category: relationships

Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

Quotes to live by….

The real KazLeave a comment

Do you have a quote that you always end up going back to for a little pep talk? Is it up on your wall or stuck in the recesses of your mind, ready to be retrieved when challenges strike and some motivation is needed?

I love a good quote and when I finally reside in a home of my own, I’m sure it will be full to the brim of quotes that I can relate to, but the quote which I seem to go back to often in the last few years and that I wish I had taken more heed of over my lifetime is:

Why this quote? I remember the first time I heard it and how it resonated with me because I have always been very good at seeing the good in people, at giving people second, third and fourth chances, after all, we all make mistakes, no? I still believe this to be true. Everyone deserves another chance because we all learn, grow and change over our lifetimes.

But I know now that life has taught me some major lessons, to believe actions over words. If someone cares, they will show it. If someone is sorry, they will prove it. Changed behaviour is the ultimate way to apologise, words are way too easy.

So even though it is still very hard and goes against the grain for me, I will look at behaviour first because I am worth more than staying in a situation where I’m hoping that things will get better based on many conversations that seem to be honest and authentic but turn out to be continually repeated behaviours in a groundhog day style.

When you hope for too long and believe words and not actions, you are taken for granted. When a simple sorry is always accepted and behaviour isn’t changed, then a belief that you will always forgive and continue with the way things are is accepted. That is when you are living on dangerous ground because when one person believes a simple “sorry” is always going to be enough, then they will never need to make an effort to make changes. Why would they? You will never force the point, so they don’t need too, right? When you are in that situation its time to challenge behaviour, set boundaries and stick to them.

Make it clear that the only apology is changed behaviour. Set a timeline and clearly state what you will and won’t accept and what you will do, if those boundaries are not respected. Be the cycle breaker.

The other quote that is SO simple but really has helped me deal with anxiety and overwhelm since hitting perimenopause is:

Quite simply that.

For me hitting the stage in life where perimenopause started to affect my hormones meant I experienced anxiety and depression that I had never experienced in my life before. It ended in a mini breakdown alongside difficult life events that were piled on top of the hormonal changes, I just shut down and went from doing everything, to being unable to take responsibility for anything. Counselling and HRT have changed that but I still occasionally need reminders to take a step back and deal with one thing at a time.

This quote is a reminder for me when I am feeling overwhelmed with the to do list, the events in my life and my feelings to focus on the next thing in front of me. Simple and effective at reducing the pressure and amount of “stuff” I am feeling, thinking and worrying about needing to complete. It helps me to take action because focusing on one thing feels manageable. When there is too much to do, I go into the mode of “its all too much and I can’t do anything” and when I hit rock bottom about 5 years ago, I lived in that mode for way too long. So its a simple but effective reminder to do ONE thing before moving onto the next…..

Sometimes simple is the most effective way forward.

What quotes do you live by in your life right now? Why do they resonate?

friendship · Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

For her, be brave..

The real KazLeave a comment

I didn’t mean for us to cause each other any pain but I think it’s too late for that.

If I could turn back the clock I would still do it again. I will never wish that we never spoke, or laughed, or shared who we are with each other. I will never wish that we could erase those times, too many memories that I’m grateful to have….

I hope that you don’t stop this letting you love. I hope you don’t build a wall even higher around your heart that is impossible to break down, because you deserve to be cherished. You deserve it more than anyone I know. When the time is right…

I say that because I know that would be easy to do. It seems hearts do need protecting. They are fragile and easily broken. I never realised how much until now. So it’s time to learn to keep mine safe. Time to establish better boundaries, not be so open, not give it so easily, because I do and I am realising that is dangerous.

This kind of hurt is scary in its nature. It can’t be shared just worked through alone but I really hope you find the person who you are willing to risk that hurt for, open up and really love. There’s so much more out there than what you have had but you’ve got to take a risk to experience it and risks aren’t your forte. I know that now but it’s the only way you are gonna experience the kind of relationship you deserve, by being vulnerable, opening up and trusting someone to take care of you as you do for them. I know that’s hard for you because why would you?

Of all the people on the planet I would have cherished your heart. I would never intentionally hurt you but I fear I may have done so, unintentionally and for that I’m truly sorry.

You deserve the best and I know that I have not said this before because I never wanted to let you go but I really hope you find that in someone. Someone who lives up to it. Let her in and trust her, when its time, she’s out there and for her, you need to be brave.

friendship · Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

Count on me…

The real KazLeave a comment

When life throws shit at you, who do you turn to?

When all you want to do is get into bed and allow the pain you’re feeling to consume you, who do you know will help you dust yourself off and get back up on your feet? Who can you rely on to dry your tears, listen to how shit you feel and then give you that pep talk, the one that tells you how awesome you are whilst making sure that you have to come over for dinner because they “need” you for “something” but also know you will wallow and mope for far too long in bed otherwise. They know how you roll.

No, they may not be saying what you wanna hear. They may tell you the words that sting when no one else will. You may not want to reach out because you know you will hear the hard truth but if you need them, if they get a whiff of something not being right with you, the phone is ringing, texts beeping, or they will be on your doorstep and not going away until they know what’s going on and they’ve made sure you are taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.

When you struggle to reach out for a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, when you think hiding how you feel makes you strong, those people in your life are lifesavers because they are the ones who will read between the lines. When they call and they can hear by the tone in your voice, when you don’t reply to a message, when they see you and notice more from what you’re not saying, that there is something wrong then they make it their mission to find out what that “something” is.

You don’t need many of these lifesavers. No. One in your life is a total blessing. If you are lucky enough to have more, be thankful because they are rare. They usually come from years of friendship, years of seeing you make mistakes, getting drunk together, experiencing setbacks, love and broken hearts and riding through life’s challenges and celebrations together until they know you inside out, what your weaknesses are, your soft spots, your triggers and how much you give to others. They know how you can be taken advantage of, how past relationships have affected you, why you are so guarded now and when you need to be told that what you have done or are doing is wrong, they will kick your butt back into line.

Today people come in and out of our lives so often, we move, change jobs, our families take priority, our time is limited and ultimately we outgrow people. A friend who carries on calling, doesn’t let distance get in the way of friendship, makes time and who most importantly grows with you is gold.

These kind of friendships are cultivated, like any relationship they need work, they need you to be there for each other and put the effort into having fun times together and sharing the difficult ones, they require vulnerability and are not demanding. Life is busy, we all have commitments and these friends don’t expect daily calls, they know that you will both be there when its needed and that life ebbs and flows and changes but that fact doesn’t change what you both know. That you have got each others backs when it’s needed.

So when you have established a lifesaver friendship, they stick around for the long haul and there is very little that can break that bond once it is created. Sometimes I think friendships like these are likely some of the most important relationships in our lives. Through thick and thin and through lifetimes where partners and other relationships fade away, they are there celebrating, laughing, crying and helping us piece ourselves back together.

I’m blessed to have a few and eternally grateful for these ladies In my life.

Thank you x

Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

A Safe Love

The real KazLeave a comment

A love that wraps you up tightly in peace, security and stability. Where there is no room for doubt. No room for feelings of uncertainty that push you to try harder, be better, look prettier. Where there is no second guessing if it’s the “right” thing to say, the “right” way to be and which version of you is lovable today. Am I too loud, too obvious, not feminine enough, not caring enough, too motivated, too much?? or just not enough??

A love that takes your hand and holds it tightly, that gently reassures with fingers intertwined.

A love that allows you to be the person your soul needs to be. The girl you were born to be. The girl who snorts and giggles loudly, whose style changes along with her mood because boxes keep you trapped and small but this love gives you wings to expand and grow.

A love that listens because its curious about everything in your life: your childhood, past, mistakes, fears, hopes, dreams, all of it, all of you. No judgements, no disapproval, just a desire to know everything about you and the events that have brought you to be here, just as you are at the right time, for this love. Acceptance for what is.

A love that stays when struggles arrive, that stands beside you and never waivers. The lighthouse in the storm, guiding you back home, with steadfast strength. Always there, trustworthy and loyal. You trust this love will not walk away. This is what safe feels like.

A love that allows you to grow, work on yourself, pursue your passions. When you are figuring out exactly who you are and why, this love supports that self development, adores seeing you shine so brightly because you are remembering who you are. This love celebrates growth for both of you, encourages it!

A love that works as a team, always there, always got your back, encouraging, supporting, communicating, cheering you on and caring but secure enough to allow you space to be your individual self. Love with no jealousy, just proud of this two person team and what you are each achieving… alone and together.

Most importantly, a love that is safe.

Inspiration · relationships · self care · self development · self love

Right person, wrong time…

The real KazLeave a comment

He was supposed to come into your life you know. You weren’t looking and neither was he, but your lives were meant to collide. You felt that spark, the connection, you could be yourself with him and he wanted you to be.

You spent many nights, talking, laughing, listening to music, learning about each others story and the people you are. The thing is the more you learnt, the more you connected and this unexpected crossing of each others paths, became something that you weren’t intending it too.

But life doesn’t make things simple. Once emotions take hold, you can’t pretend they never arrived. If so, things would be easier, so much simpler. If you could put them back in a box and go back to the beginning, would you let it play out the same again? Would you take it so much slower, be more careful with both your battered hearts?

The thing is you are both healing from heartbreak. You are both on a journey that’s at different stages but oh, if you were both in the right place, it would be a ride! You’ve felt it and hope he has too. That knowledge doesn’t help either. Right person, wrong time. That hurts because why would you wanna know that if this was 6 months, a year down the line it would work out? How does that help how you feel. It doesn’t. It just feels like a bad joke. That isn’t funny. Just sad.

Those feelings though, felt right and yes, maybe you both shouldn’t have let the “what will be, will be” attitude take over. The sensible thing, probably would have been to think a little more, take a bigger step back, but when something feels right that’s not so easy to do.

Instead you went a little deeper, opened yourself up a little more, in hindsight, too much, maybe. But you always go “all in”. You don’t do “half-arsed”, especially when it comes to feelings. You give it your all and then some, but that means if it doesn’t work out as expected, you hurt like hell too.

So yes, it seems, you shouldn’t have rushed in, that his heart is still healing and isn’t ready for yours. You are wishing you had reigned it in, just a little, just not given so much of your fragile heart out because now it’s in pieces.

Who knows, maybe, down the road, in a while, you will both be perfectly aligned. The timing, your healing, your journeys will be in sync.

For now, keep living girl.

Life goes on…..