Optimist or Pessimist?

Where do you sit on the spectrum? Optimist, Pessimist? or Realist maybe?

I like to consider myself an optimist as I believe I always try and see the positive in situations and a life full of opportunities rather than challenges. From childhood through to an adult I’ve never found it difficult to look on the bright side of things, even in the face of some pretty difficult times. That is probably due in part to the fact that I genuinely believe that we are here to learn and grow and every struggle we go through is an opportunity for self development.

Our mindset and thoughts are more responsible for the joy in our life over and above the actual circumstances of our lives and our struggles. If we can see the positive in things, we can weather the darkest storms. When our thoughts tend to veer towards pessimism, we feel less resilient and able to cope whereas a more positive outlook, research shows, can actually reduce depression and low mood.

I have found myself recently though, struggling to stay in a thankful and positive zone when something feels good or hopeful. This happened to me yesterday and instead of being happy and thankful, that maybe things were improving, I got scared that I was heading for another disappointment. The thing is, the last 18 month period has been a barrage of struggles, obstacles and change. Nothing has been straightforward and it feels pretty relentless. It hasn’t really been the problems, its been the non stop consistency of one thing after another. That kind of ongoing, stress and disappointment has an affect on you. Every time recently I have felt things may be turning a corner, something else has shown up to knock me back down. Pretty soon your brain begins to expect bad things, almost as a protection for the constant hurt and disappointment. So when I did see something potentially positive approaching my rear view mirror of life yesterday, I found myself immediately start to say to myself “don’t expect this to happen Kaz, something will go wrong”.

There is a difference I suppose, between being a pessimist and being realistic. Sometimes when dealing with someone or a situation that has been continually difficult, you need to be realistic about your expectations otherwise you will be setting yourself up for more hurt in the name of optimism. There comes a point where realism needs to take over and that is totally needed when a continued positive outlook would allow others to continue to take advantage.

Maybe realistic optimism is the best way forward. Stay realistic when dealing with people and situations that have hurt or disappointed you before but never forget all things are possible with the right mindset and attitude. Seems like a good balance to work towards.

If you are finding you’re struggling with a negative outlook, adjusting small thought patterns and actions can help. Our mind is responsible for so much of the joy, stress and anxiety in our lives.

Try and enjoy the everyday small things in life. Don’t wait for the holiday in 6 months, or when you retire. Go do the things you love today: go for a walk, sing, dance, see friends etc… Loving those everyday things will increase the joy in your life immediately,, so why wait?

Look for the beauty in all things. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but spend time with what is beautiful to you. It maybe a walk in nature, enjoying your favourite music, art or a sunset.

Imagine yourself attaining or experiencing what you desire. Imagination/ visualisation is a powerful tool and can really make you feel your goals are within reach and help you stay motivated. Feel the emotions of achieving what happiness and contentment is for you and imagine how that will happen. What does that look like for you? Where are you? Who is with you? Visualise and experience it. It helps to cement in your mind what you really want and need to feel happy and motivates you to achieve it.

Practice gratitude. Make a daily practice of being thankful for 3 things in your life. If you are feeling grateful and appreciating what you have, it is almost impossible to become negative.

Be kind to yourself. The way you talk to yourself has a huge impact on how you feel. Positive self talk will make it easier to feel great and positive about your day.

Be creative. Find a creative past time and do more of it. Let those creative juices run free, Enjoy it. Don’t worry about the end result. Focus on the present and enjoy the journey of creating your masterpiece.

Be a positive role model, at home with your kids, at work and within your circle. When you behave like the positive person you would like your children to be, you are likely to become that person and you are modelling a fantastic way of life for the special people in your life.

Lastly surround yourself with positive people. We have all been around people who drain our energy. They see everything as a negative that is happening to them. Surround yourself with people who switch it up, see the flip side. People who see difficult experiences as a way of making way for the life you have been dreaming about and if it’s not what you want, you have the responsibility and power to change it at any given moment. Get rid of blame and shame and start with responsibility and self belief.